Wednesday, December 21, 2011

So we are 4 days away from Christmas and I have but a gift card to purchase for my aunt and some dog treats for Lily.  I do have to wrap everything up, I haven't done any of that yet.  Jeff has wrapped the gifts he's bought but I haven't done the ones I was in charge of buying.

Looking forward to having next week off.  Jeff works next Wednesday so I'll take him to work and then head over to my mom's to wait out a couple of hours to give him his insulin shot.  Then I have a much needed appointment with my doctor.  I've decided that I can't let myself suffer any longer.  I cry too easily, I worry, I over analyze, I'm critical of myself, negative of myself, some days I long to just "not be here", although I would never get to that point where I'd do something, some days I just wish I wasn't around and life would be much more simple.  So enough of the hiding and avoiding and feeling generally like crap all the time.  I need help.  I also did something rediculous and immature and stupid on Monday night.  Had a temper tantrum, full blow tears (til midnight, I might add) ...and needless to say I got frustrated and I smoked my leg.  Well 3 bruises later and a cut that I just noticed last night in the shower that hurts like hell.  I used to cut over 10 years ago but I guess that I still self harm, even though it may not be cutting.

I never implied or pretended to be perfect, I'm far from it, but my goodness, I don't think Jeff ever bargained for this.  I have so much baggage and for whatever reason I can't let shit go or I just hold on to all the old feelings that add to the negativity that just seems so deeply ingrained in my mind, body and soul.  I think one of my yoga teachers said it best and it was like music to my ears.  It was something along the lines of how deeply did I love today?  How deeply did I let go?  And that's just it: Let go. Let it all go.  And remember, when someone has something to say or advice or anything like that, take it at face value - it relates to that one isolated event and shouldn't be lumped into the category of "I always" or I never" and generalising.

Every day is a new day, Rome wasn't built over night, I know it takes time but dammit I want results now, that's just my personality.  I want to be better, I want to be whole-heartedly happy and full.  I do believe I have that in me, I just need to learn to stop taking everything so personally and like the entire world is against me.

Anyways, I have to go.  I'll write tomorrow.  Much love! xo

Monday, December 12, 2011

Thirteen days until Christmas!!  I haven't bought one gift yet but my the end of this upcoming weekend, it'll be all done and I'll just have to worry about wrapping it all. 

Instead of writing, I'll just post some pictures :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

So I finally got our Christmas Tree up.  After not feeling it for the past week or two, discussing it with Jeff thinking that he doesn't care about that sort of thing or ANY of the little things that I do (only for him to tell me, Yes, he does in fact like the little details and things that I do that I think he doesn't notice), so I finally put it up between Saturday night and Sunday. 

Friday night wasn't too bad, didn't get up to too much.  I think I came home and started organizing some things (what else is new these days! lol).  Some friends came over Friday night.  Saturday morning I woke up and showered, got the dogs read and brushed for their outting to Aurora at Buddy's Kitchen.  I went on my own so that Jeff could wake up and freshen up and be ready for me to get him to go to Costco when I returned.  I spent about an hour and a half in Aurora with the dogs, they both got their pictures taken, some with just them, individually, and a couple with me and them in. After got them some treats, they said hello's to others that were there, but most importantly, to Dina, who just got herself a part time weekend job there.  Couldn't think of a better place to work, nevermind watch the hours fly by because you're getting to meet all these lovely furries that walk in the door. 

Afterwards, took the kids home, it was a nice day.  Fetched Jeff and we went off the Costco where we spent an obscene amount of money, mainly on meats, but a couple of other things that we needed.  Walked out spending $150 then went and got gas (anywhere from 3-7 cents cheaper than everywhere else - cool eh?!?).  Went home, put it all away, re-organized the pantry and chest freezer to accomodate.  Jeff now says that our cupboards, fridge and freezers are full and we don't look poor anymore.  I laughed, we weren't poor, I'm just not a fan of filling a fridge to a brim only to have to throw most of it out because it's gone bad on you.  So I'm experimenting with grocery shopping for the month of December and seeing how it works out, if we save money and if it's worth continuing.  I think I'll play it out for January and quite possibly February to see if it works, only for the simple reason that December is a 5 week month but it's also a holiday month and quite hectic.

Saturday night, Greg came by, I continued to putter in my non-smoking state.  By the way, I'm on day 22 of being smoke free.

Sunday, we didn't get up to too much.  I woke up wide awake just after 4 am, and Jeff somewhere just before 5 am.  It was so bizarre.  So we eventually fell back asleep around 6 and I was back up around 8:30 again.  I finished up the last bit of our groceries that we needed, Jeff started a roast in the slow cooker and I finished putting the tree together while he went to go get Bruce for dinner.  As you can see from the picture, every year, because of the dogs, I have to put up this wire pen fence so that they don't pluck the ornaments and chew them.  That would not be a good thing.  So here it is.  This is what I'd like to call the "viewing area" of the Christmas Tree.  Perhaps when the boys are seniors, only then will they leave the tree alone. LOL

Not to busy of a weekend but it's clearly December - it takes a half hour just to get anywhere in town.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Today is one of those not-so-good days.  I feel so tightly wound and stress that I'm thisclose to tears rolling down my face.  Why can't I change?  Why is it that I start out great, but I can never stay changed or reformed?  I just always let everyone around me down and mostly, myself.


It's snowing today....looks like this might actually stay around, it is afterall, almost December...which I can hardly believe.

No point in writing when I'm down, just wanted to write a bit.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Day 15 and counting for me.  And, also happy to report that Jeff is at Day 3!!  It's been trying at best at certain times, but for the most part, okay.  The crazy/erractic/emotional behaviour is thanks to yours truly.  The patience isn't there and I find myself losing it over the most stupid shit.  Or just plain ol' getting frustrated and feeling helpless.  For instance, Charlie's been in and out of a cone for the better part of the last two weeks because of a hot spot he invoked on his right back leg.  So when he's not wearing the cone aka when we're home during the evenings, his leg is bandaged up with some of that non-stick tape.  Well didn't you know it that last night, as I was on the phone for 2 seconds and about 6 feet away from Charlie, he started trying to frantically get the tape off.  This is all after having given them a nice bath to clean them up, clean up Charlie's leg so he'd be all them dried, brushed, put their matching grey cable knitted sweaters on, and we were leaving, only to receive a call from Dina telling us that the photog's camera was broken down at the mall and didn't know how long it'd take to get fixed....All the while it was raining outside.  So we decided to say forget it, got the car parked again, dogs back inside and upstairs, de-leashed. de-collared and de-clothed and phone call 10 minutes after saying that it might be okay.  At that point I threw in the towel because I was pissed off at myself for leaving this to the last minute and basically walking myself into this crappy situation that I could have easily avoided the weekend previous.  Not to mention, I was frustrated with Charlie because I lost my cool with him and smacked him, and put his cone promptly on again.  I was angry with myself that I took out my frustration on Charlie....Been trying to heal up his leg and do the right thing for him, only for him to set us back again. Oh well, not the end of the world, but I was quite hard on myself and being so frustrated with Charlie. 

Friday night was a melt down too.  I came home and it was your typical Friday scene.  I come home, anticipating that a tornado has gone through our place and sure enough, it had.  I come in, Jeff looks sheepish and is trying to put away a few things.  Thing is, I'm predictable when it comes to certain behaviours and things that drive me absolutely bat-shit crazy.  Like for the love of christ, please pick up after yourself, I shouldn't have to.  You're 35, take some ownership for your actions.  And I was also coming home to Jeff that, in my opinion, had not even tried to quit smoking.  Sure, you know what?  I was in the wrong there.  I shouldn't have been critical of him because I know what it's like to cave and fail.  Huge shame and lots of anger.  I've failed too so to criticize him for doing the same?  I shouldn't have.  Whatever.  I did though.  \

I guess in the end, I learned that I am a very erratic, emotionally-driven and generally psycho when I'm withdrawing from this nasty thing we call smoking.  I've been a nasty, emotional and angry/frustrated bitch and I've been taking it out in all the wrong places and people, I should just learn to handle my shit and not feel like I'm "entitled" to lose my shit therefore I can lose it on someone.  I can say a lot of hurtful things, things that I don't mean and some of the things I've said in the past could really come back to bite me in the ass.  It's what I do best, it seems.  I push people away like the best of them, because if I sense any bit of hurt coming my way, I'll push the situation away so I can avoid it like the plague.  Avoidance doesn't aid the situation either, eh?  Just an FYI. LOL  I know a lot of this, but I have difficulty not expressing my thoughts and feelings without feeling the need to yell to get my point across.  I just so often feel misunderstood.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on this planet for no good reason at all, that maybe I'm just here because it's convenient for others, that I'm a friend and fun to hand around and therefore it's comfortable....I place too much doubt in people that I often create these scenarios often on my own.  I need to spew the negativity out and try to say at least one positive thing about something every time.  I'm just so "at home" with being negative or saying really hurtful, mean things about myself because I figure if I can make myself hurt like I do, then you won't hurt me nearly as bad, and I guess in a way I'm putting this protective layer of skin on so that others can't hurt me.  Well enough with the hurting, because I'm sick of hurting myself and others.  I have nothing but the best of intentions for others and the last thing I want to do is to push people away and hurt them.  Need. to. Break. the. Cycle.

Christmas is quickly approaching.  I haven't quite decided if I'm going to put the tree up, I'm torn to be honest.  Haven't got too many things to get this year, I'll be getting a few things for Jeff and I (we're not buying much this year because we're saving to go away and do our advanced open water certifications in 2012), something for my mom and Brian, Jeff's parents, Jeff's moody brother, his son and his two daughters.  That's it, so that isn't too bad.


Monday, November 21, 2011

To say that I was being irrational and jumping to conclusions on Friday is an understatement.  I was not having a good day. 

Nevertheless, went home on Friday and we talked things out.  He had also cleaned up our place, started dinner and was being super nice.  See, that's all it takes for a good Friday.  Just a bit of helping out to show that you care means the world to me. 

Weekend was alright.  Went to Winter Woofstock on Saturday morning.  Spent a small fortune on the pups there getting them lots of treats, a new dog bed and two new knitted sweaters each, which I plan on putting them in tonight when I take them for a walk.

Yesterday I had planned on going to Aerials class but that never came to fruition because Alex is sick with a lung infection.  It was just as well that I didn't go, I was not having a great day yesterday with balance and just generally being a giant klutz.  Bruce came by last night and that's about it.

All in all, a pretty good weekend.

This weekend I'm going to bath them maybe Friday night or Saturday and then take them to get some pictures with Santa :) 

I may make Jeff out to be quite the ass at times, and you know what? I'll never not admit that I'm not the easiest to live with either, but he's the one person that has the patience of a saint when it comes to me, but he's my best friend and I love him more than anything.


Friday, November 18, 2011

How would YOU feel if your own mother told you to get a divorce because you're so unhappy and he makes you cry?  I do not want to hear that shit, I'm sorry but I don't care who the hell you are but do not ever tell me to leave the one and only person that I have in my life.  I don't have any real girlfriends that I can spill my guts too and get some advice and or comfort from so in turn, I tend to tell my mom what's going through my brain and then she gets all mother-daughter defensive and thinks the solution to my problems and sometime unhappiness is leaving.  Yeah cause that just solves everything, doesn't it?  Saying I give up and turn and walk away.  That, in my opinion, is not comforting your issues but rather turning your back on them because it's easy or its convenient.

Sure there's times where I wish he'd talk to me more, tell me more so that I don't have to ask questions all the time or find out information from other people because you've neglected to tell me something, sometimes I wish you would comfort me more instead of showing me the "tough love" crap.  Sometimes all I need is just a hug and to be told that it'll be just fine, Lindsay, just take a deep breath and it'll be good. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm in this alone, that all I have is myself and my dogs.  But I don't even have them.  He's joked before that if anything were to happen with us, that he'd strongarm me and take the dogs.  Nice, isn't it?  That's totally something I want looming over my head, the mere thought of you taking my dogs away from me.

I don't know what the hell is going on.  Seems like we go through peaks and valleys like this every so often.  I just wish I wasn't so damn negative on myself or so hard on myself.

And for Christ sakes, please let me stop crying at work.  I feel like a fucking idiot.  Sigh.

It's Friday, guess I shouldn't complain should I?  But I will, because all I want to do at the moment is to cry and crawl into bed until spring.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

So I ended up having a fantastic birthday, got flowers from Jeff at midnight on Thursday morning.  Had a surprisingly good day at work, then came home and went to dinner with Mom and Brian at the Pickel Barrel.  Friends came over that evening.  I later received a card and gorgeous necklace from my boo.  Mom had taken me shopping the previous week but she did get me another black dress and then she also got me a red purse.  All in all a really good birthday despite wanting to collapse into a mess of tears.  Friday wasn't a good day, because I jumped to conclusions and assumed.  Well I assumed wrong and I felt like a giant jackass.

The weekend wasn't crazy.  Saturday some friends came by.  Sunday I went to my aerials class and ran some errands.

For fun, here are some ABCs I found on another blog:

Age: 28

Bed size: Queen
Chore that you hate: dusting our condo, for some reason we get insane amounts of dust and I'm forever cleaning!!
Dogs: 2 Bichon's, Charlie and Baxter (4 and 3 respectively)
Essential to start your day: Wash my face, brush my teeth and turn coffee on for Jeff's cup to take with him to work.
Favorite Color: Black, Grey, Blue
Gold or Silver: Silver or white gold
Height: 5'8'' or 5'9"
Instruments you play: I played the flute in school.
Job Title: Legal Admin Assistant
Kids: Just the dogs
Live: outside of Toronto, Ontario
Mother's Name: Evelyn
Nicknames: Linds
Overnight hospital stays: tonsils, jaw surgery
Pet Peeves: Strumming fake nails along a table or something.  Not cleaning up after yourself.
Quote from a movie: Oh lord, not good with quotes.
Right or Left Hand: Right
Siblings: None
Truth or Dare: Truth lol
Ultimate Vacation: Africa OR some place diving
Vegetable you hate: Brussel sprouts!!!!
What Makes You Run Late: Not planning accordingly
X-rays you've had- Teeth, face, head, leg.
Yummy Food that you Make: It's all yummy, dammit lol
Zoo Animal: Elephants would be my favourite animal in general

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

So today is November 9th.. All week I've been struggling with feelings of sadness and just feeling 'down'.  Well maybe I can attribute that to November 5th being last Saturday.. the anniversary of the death of my father 25 years ago.  Twenty-five years ago.....  That's a lifetime ago.  And every year, it's always the same, it's never easier.  I miss him more than anyone can possibly imagine.  I miss what could have been, I miss having someone to call Dad, to do things with, laugh with... I missed all those things.  And due to the rocky relationship that my step-dad and I had, we never even had a civilized relationship until I hit the age of 19.  So even in that regard, I lost so many years to form a relationship with him.  It wasn't until push came to shove when Mom got sick and I had to sit him down and say enough of the non-sense.  I can't have my mother dying and us not communicating.  And so that's where it started.  Today, it couldn't be better.  Hell, he even walked me down the aisle to J.  Ask me that 10 years ago and I would have said a hell no.

November is usually a sad one for me.  Here I should be celebrating my life, my birthday but I feel guilty when I know in my heart I'm missing the one person that should be there but isn't and cannot be there.  All this week I've been feeling a bit a bit off and now that I think about it, I know why.

Tomorrow I turn 28.  Holy shit, I'm that much closer to 30 now!!! Ahhh!!

What else is new?  Charlie's sporting a cone for his own benefit, he created a hot spot on his back right leg so that's healing.  He got some antibiotics at the vet last week and I think it gave him an allergiv reaction because he's got these tiny bumps all over.  I counted last time 10 and I constantly feel the dogs over for bumps and what not, especially since Baxter had the sabaceous cyst on his back that I had removed back this summer.  It would only make sense if Charlie got these too, because, after all, they share the same DNA with having the same blood parents....So I'm hoping that my not giving him the pills anymore that they simply go away.  We'll see.

Tomorrow, a couple of people at work are taking me to lunch and then tomorrow night we're off to dinner with Mom and Brian.

Next time I write, I'll have to talk about my personal training session story from the gym... Ugh..

Anyways, have a good night.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Holy Hannah, have Jeff and I been sick this week.  He started feeling like shit last Saturday and then went to get meds for it Sunday morning.  Then I fell ill on Wednesday.  I think it's been a long time coming, been definitely feeling like shit for a few weeks now and have been waiting for the ball to drop on that one, so to speak.

I think I'll be staying home tomorrow while Jeff goes to Barrie and helps Jay with Tyler's 9th birthday party. 

Sunday I'm going to aerial silks, sick or not, I do not care. :)

xox Here's to getting healthy again!

Monday, October 24, 2011

It's just another Manic Monday...........................

Don't Monday's come entirely too fast? Especially for the working folk that don't have the luxury of working from home...

Jeff spent all of yesterday getting/being sick.  Poor guy has been coughing up a storm and I think as a result, as pulled a muscle in his shoulder/back.  He's definitely been in bad shape.  He said he felt a bit better this morning but stayed at work for 2 hours before calling it a day.

Saturday we had gone down to the travel show put on by Flight Centre.  What a waste of a drive in traffic on the 401.  We were in and out in a matter of 12-15 minutes.  Got some brochures for Africa, ideas all just the same, since I pretty much know what we're doing in Kenya when were there.  I'm just looking for a 3 to 5 day trip to Tanzania possibly.  We'll see, we've got time to decide.    Lots of money to save.  Must get passport renewed next year before we head out for more diving.  Must get visa's to Kenya and Tanzania before we go and a whole ton of shots and needles before we go.  I know it's far away but it's still exciting all the same :)

Pretty gloomy weather-wise here today.  Yesterday was nice and sunny but Summer is long gone and I'm angrily (kidding lol) waiting for the cold and snow to come.  It was something like -5 out in Regina this morning.  Oooh not my cup of tea.

Anyways, gotta run.  Take it easy and be well :)

Friday, October 14, 2011

I was thinking just last night that I need to write more and if need's be, carry a small note pad around with me for things that I can talk about when I'm blogging.  I find myself blanking out all the time when I sit in front of the computer and go to write a blog.  I just find myself reading other blogs and I think I'm just not that creative.  Maybe? Who knows....

Seems that diving season is over.  That's one thing that sucks about where we live.  We have cold temperatures for what seems like 8 to 9 months a year and clearly that is not conducive to owning your own scuba gear and having a penchant for getting into warm water.  Sure I immersed myself in water that was in the 60s this past summer, wearing a 7mm wetsuit over it, mind you, but still.  Needless to say there will not be any ice diving for this girl over here, no siree bob.  Speaking of, I'm thinking that either say next June or July, we'll end up going away for 2 weeks.  More than likely it'll be Cozumel.  We've never been and it's supposed to be one of the best diving spots in the world.  It's either there or Barbados again and we'll hook up with Fatima and her crew at the Dive Shop to do up our AOW.  That is, if we can find a good enough deal, so we'll see.

One good thing that I'm looking forward to for snow is snowshoeing.  I really liked doing that last winter and it's a good burn.  Jeff said he'd be down for a lot more of that this winter.  Just realised yesterday that I didn't rollerblade at all this year.  I'm so embarassed that I bought these brand spanking new blades summer of 2010 and I've yet to wear them.  WTF is with that? And it's not that I'm lazy, clearly I'm not given that I go to the gym at least 5 times a week, but dang.....I think it's because I never wanted to go by myself.  And Jeff worries that I'll fall and break my neck or something crazy, but that's cool because that's totally legit, I'm a putz and I know it.  Gotta do some rollerblading next year for sure!!

Not sure what the game plan is for tonight.  Christina may come down for a visit after work.  Alex may come down tomorrow to stay the weekend with us, but we don' t know for sure yet.  Greg is supposed to come by tonight too.  I think I'll take the boys out for a nice long walk if it's not pouring.  Tomorrow morning I have to be at Mitsubishi for an oil change...No clue why I thought it was a good idea to go that early, I guess to get it out of the way, but man, no sleeping in for me it seems.  That's alright though, I'll just take a book.  And I'm flying through books lately so that's okay with me.  I think in the past 2 weeks I've read 4 or 5 books and I've got one on deck waiting for me that I can't wait to get into.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Can you believe it's already half way through October?  For crying out loud, that means that snow will soon be among us :(
Can you believe it's already half way through October?  For crying out loud, that means that snow will soon be among us :(

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Thanksgiving Weekend!

Man has it ever been a long week.  Feels like Friday should have come along days ago.  Work has been extremely busy, which is really good.  Guess Scuba Diving is over for the year, I was hoping that maybe this would be our last weekend but it's too chilly.  Temperatures have drastically dropped over the last few weeks and I gotta say, I'm not enjoying it one bit.

Tonight I've gotta clean a bit, since I don't want to be cleaning all weekend.  Gotta walk the dogs as well, in addition to making dinner.  We'll see if Jeff ends up coming over, I've been a zombie this entire week so we'll see aka do I feel like driving to Bradford or not, is the question.

We're having dinner at my mom's place on Sunday.  Saturday we're going to Unionville to walk around and do some geocaching.  I think Monday will be a chill day, I think I plan on making a beef stew, which should be interesting since I've never made one before.

I think next weekend is a birthday party for two girls that I know that are turning 30.  Not sure if I feel like going considering I think I only get an invitation by default of knowing them and for numbers... and possibly a gift.  These people really don't give a rat's ass about me or attempt to be what a real friend is so I dunno.

The dogs have been really good lately.  Jeff on the other hand, since we were at his brother's this past weekened, he'll start out going to bed at night and then I wake up in the morning and he's on the couch.  LOL  He loves that thing, it's hilarious.

Gonna post some pics...Really like the top one of me. Jeff took that this summer up at his parents place on their deck.  Some pics of the dogs, Jeff and I and some pics from the gorgeous Ele's at ALS.

Toodles xox!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

So what else is going on? I haven't written in awhile because I've been busy or a mixture of busy with lazy.

This coming weekend we're looking after Jay's kids while Jay comes away for the weekend camping up north.  Should be alright.

This past weekend we didn't do too much, I cleaned our place on Saturday while Jeff went out with Bruce to shoot off his new gun.  Sunday we got up EARLY, had a coffee then took advantage of what looked like it was going to be a beautiful day to the dog park.  The boys had fun getting dirty and then we brought them home so they could have a bath.  Now they're nice, and WHITE and soft and smell oh so good. :)

We went up to Jeff's parents the weekend before last and it was a good time up north shootin guns, re-connecting and in good company before they headed out to Florida, which is where they'll be up until just before Christmas.  Can't believe that Christmas is something like 90 days away!!  Holy crap.

Enough boring chatter, I'm out. :)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

1. Do you believe in Heaven? Hmm, I believe in something but I'm not sure what that may be.

2. Have you ever come close to dying? Probably not, but certainly felt like I was at the time.

3. What jewelery do you wear 24/7? wedding rings, 2 other rings on my right hand, watch, all my piercings (they never come out) and sometime a nice necklace.

4. Would you ever consider having plastic surgery? I'd love to. Get my boobs done. Maybe a nose job but I couldn't fathom the pain and being unable to breathe through my nose at first.

5. What do you wear to bed? Depends on the night lol but most nights a tshirt or tank with pyjama bottoms.

6. Have you ever done anything illegal? Not really....

7. Who was the last person that you touched? Jeff, this morning, before he left for work.

8. Where did you eat last? In Unionville with Mom, Brian and Jeff on Monday night.

9. Besides your own blog, are there any that you routinely read but never comment on? I mainly read, some I post comments on but not very many…

10. Ever been involved with the police? On a few occasions, one being when my schizophrenic neighbour went AWOL a few years back.
11. Do you talk in your sleep? Sometimes, usually when I'm sick though.
12. Now a celebrity fantasy. Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend? Hmm JAX from SOA and David Beckham. lol

13. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? I'm happy with where I'm at.
14. Where do you wish you were? Retired (yeah, I know, long shot eh?) and living on an island where we could dive daily and Charlie would have his beach and sunrays.
15. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Not that I can recall, no.

16. Is there any type of dancing that you love to do? White man dance. HAHAH Not really.

17. Last gift you received? Hmmmmmm.

18. Last sport you played? Sport? Hmmmmm. Well it's not a sport but some yoga yesterday, TRX last night and hiking on Sunday.

19. Last place you went on holiday? Barbados

20. Current Song? Moves like Jagger - Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera

On a totally unrelated, separate note, I may have the opportunity to go to Kenya either next year or the year after that, 2013. A co-worker of Brian's is building a house in Nairobi, Kenya and they've offered up their house to us so we can visit Kenya!!! The angels were singing as I heard this!!! So I'm super excited if I get the chance to go there, I have a whole bucket list for just Kenya alone for things I want to see and places to go.

Monday, August 29, 2011

1. What’s for breakfast?

Yogourt and a Hot Chocolate

2. Do you read a newspaper daily? Most days
3. What do you do when you can’t sleep? Hmm watch tv or read I suppose

4. Say a word that sums up your mood. Happy

5. Do you remember your dreams? Not usually, no.

6. Name something from your dream last night. Don't recall any.
7. Name a food that describes you. Oh christ, no clue.
8. Today you are wearing: Navy dress pants from Jacob, a beige-ish type sweater and white tank under

9. What’s in your pockets? don't have pockets

10. Did you sing in the shower today? No..

11. What’s the last song you heard? Moves like Jagger - Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera

12. Looking forward to the holidays? Love Christmas!

13. Where do you want to be this instant? Would love to be somewhere hot and exotic diving with my hubby.

14. What’s for lunch? Had a sandwich and apple.

15. What’s something you would like to do soon? Go diving. (this wknd lol)

16. Reading anything now? Reading 3 books at the moment.

17. What’s for dinner? Chicken with seasoning, rice with beans in it cooked in coconut milk.

18. A favorite part of the day is: Going home to see Jeff and my 2 furry babies!

19. Are you happy? For the most part, I can't complain or shouldn't, either. Life's too short to be unhappy.  If there's something you're unhappy about, fix it or change it.

20. Guess how many people will do Sunday Stealing this weekend? None, since I never ask people to.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

ABC's (stolen from Lucy at

A – Age: 27
B – Bed size: Queen although a King would be marvelous
C – Chore you hate: Laundry and cleaning the toilet.

D – Dinner: Last night we had pork chops, rice pilaf and peaches and cream corn
E – Essential start your day item: Cigarette, mascara, brush my teeth.
F – Favorite color: Any shade of blue, black and grey
G – Gold or Silver: Silver

H – Height: 5’ 8"

I – Instruments you play(ed): Flute, piano
J – Job title: Legal Administrative Assistent
K – Kids: 2, with 4 legs, Charlie and Baxter

L – Living arrangements: At our condo, Jeff and I and the two boys.
M – Music you love: Classic Rock and Country, Folk Songs from my childhood. Pink and Prince. I'm eclectic

N – Noise you hate: Tapping nails, random geese wailing out for their mate on our roof
O – Overnight hospital stay other than births: Throat surgery, jaw surgery
P – Pet Peeve: Lazy People, people that walk 10 wide on sidewalks that have zero clue about what's going on around them, people that bitch and complain about shit but yet do nothing about it. 

R – Right or left handed: Right
S – Siblings: None
T – Time you wake up: usually between 5:15 and 5:30 am

U- Underwear: Hmm I have so many pairs of underwear lol.  Thongs, always.  I figure why not, granny panties crawl up your ass anyways and you're always trying to fish it out so just go with it.
V – Vegetable you dislike: Brussel Sprouts
W – Ways you run late: Can't find phone or something stupid like that or keys
X – X-rays you’ve had: teeth, face, feet
Y – Yummy food you make: stuffed squash mmmm
Z – Zoo favorite: Duh, Obviously my beloved Ele's

Monday, August 8, 2011

So I had written out a blog last week sometime, only to have to come back to it numerous times over because I had gotten busy throughout the day. 

Not much is new with me.  The August long weekend we didn't do too much... I know we did venture up to Orillia to visit Alex.  We brought along Bruce, Alex and Greg and had a smashing day frolicking in the pool, eating, drinking, playing with his roommate's dog, Shelby, this lovely happy go luck Golden Retriever.  The day after that we went back up to Penetenguishene and dove out by Jeff's old cottage.  Let me just say that with experience and wear, 7mm wetsuits DO get better to put on.  This time I didn't fuck around, I grabbed my suit and went right for the water.  And the gloves..this pair was MUCH better than the previous pair that was an xxs and cutting off the circulation of my hand to my arm.  Saw some crey fish, bass and perch and millions of zebra mussels everywhere.

Then, our short work week last week seemed to be going well but then towards the end just slowed right down.  By Thursday, it had felt like it was the weekend already and by Friday afternoon, man...did it just really drag on.... Oh well. 

This past weekend some friends came over, Jeff B, Greg, was all good fun.  Didn't get up to too much really.  Sunday we decided to get up and get moving so we went for a hike in the forest, also to find some geocaches, picked up Greg and headed out for a couple of hours.  Would have liked to have taken the dogs with us but it was too humid and thankfully we didn't, they would have been black as toby's boot because it started into a downpour not long after we got there, which was just as well because it was hot and the rain was rather refreshing.

Working early all week pretty well.  Have to take the first train in in the mornings, but then I get to take the early train home.  My boss is away for the week after today.  Big boss is out until Wednesday and he's not that scary at all.  Interviews are finished on Wednesday so it should be quick days for me this week.  Tonight I'm doing laundry (exciting life people) and then walking the dogs and whatnot.  Tomorrow night I have to make a quick dinner, then I'm off to my TRX class.  Wednesday I have a therapy appointment (double yay!!), Thursday night I have another TRX training session and then Friday, well I can't complain, Friday's are always pretty good.

That's enough writing for now folks, have a good one! xo

I actually can't wait til the weekend.  Saturday morning we're going up to Alex's again for a day at the pool.  Pick up some drinks, food, the good stuff and hang there all day and try to get my lily white ass some colour.  We're taking up our scuba gear and getting tanks for the day so we can fart around in the pool that day too, which reminds me of the weights.  I think they were left in the trunk in a backpack to dry.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Out of the blue and into the black
You pay for this, they give you that
Once you're gone, you can't come back....
When you're out of the blue
And into the black.


It's better to burn out than to fade away....

Having a glue morning.  Woke up to Mr. Grouchy Pants.  Turns out I didn't cuddle with him enough last night, let alone the past 30 days and if I can't handle the truth then don't ask.  Excuse me?  Who shit on your cornflakes?  Oh and my bad, I guess I haven't touched you in 30 days.  Mhhmmm, right.  Just because he woke up this morning and I had Baxter laying in the pit of my arm.  Excuse me for babying him a little bit because I don't want one of us to smoke him or end up nudging him in bed and causing his back to bleed from the stitches.  Honestly man, don't talk to me like that.  I friggin LOATHE starting out a day like that, it's like it sets the tone for the day.  ARGH  Thanks.

Tonight I have one of my counselling appointments, which is appropriate and fitting given the morning.  I don't even feel like going but I know it'll be good for me.

Speaking of Baxter above, he had surgery on Monday afternoon and we picked him up just before 7 after we had a quick dinner with my mom.  Poor little guy has about 5 or 6 stitches and he started bleeding again because he got all excited when he saw us.  So I've put a tshirt on him so that he doesn't get curious and try to crank his neck, that or his curious and doting brother, Charlie doesn't get at it.  He's been uber sucky ever since, which is really cute since he really likes his space even though he is an affectionate and sweet dog.  I just don't think he knows what to do with himself at the moment.

Long weekend is coming up which is awesome.  Jeff and I plan on doing some diving, likely both Saturday and Sunday.  Have no idea where but we'll figure it out I guess.

I know Jeff doesn't read this but I want to say this:

Sometimes I don't know where you come up with some of the shit that comes out of your mouth but if you haven't noticed, my world revolves around you - you're my best friend in the entire world, I have fun with you, you make me laugh, smile, blush.  You are simply my everything and I do not know where I'd be without you today or where I'd be without you at all......I love you more than there are words and you make me so incredibly happy.  These past 9.5 years have been a dream and I've truly enjoyed every last bit of it.  I just don't like when you're in a mood like today.  Blah, you suck.

Alright, end rant.

I think that's all I'll post for now.  If I don't post before, Have a great weekend blogworld.


Friday, July 22, 2011

Poor little Baxter was supposed to have his surgery this morning but they called and cancelled this morning so the poor little bugger has been parched since last night at 8 pm.  On the hottest day of the summer, no less.  Poor boy was up a lot last night just barking because he wanted water :(  So it's been rescheduled to Monday morning, which means we get to do a do-over of this on Sunday night.  I was planning on taking the boys to my mom's Sunday night as is because I wanted her to supervise them while I'm at work, ya know, with Baxter having a few stitches in his back and all and Charlie being the lovely doting brother that he is would likely help him out, since Baxter can't reach it.

Yesterday's temperatures were bloody ridiculous - I think with the humidex it was almost 50 Celsius!  As soon as you went outside, you were hit with this wall of heat, it felt like you were in a convection oven.  Needless to say, I'm not going to bitch even though that is uber hot, I'm just going to remind myself of yesterday on a day in the winter where it's -30 with the windchill. 

Greg came by for a visit last night, nothing too exciting.  This weekend I don't expect to do too too much, probably just take it easy because of the heat.  I have some cleaning I have to get done.  Next weekend is the long weekend, Jeff and I are going to try to go diving for at least 1 to 2 days then, not sure where, but obviously somewhere close to us. 

Came into work this morning at dawn and will be leaving a bit earlier to head home too.  Can't wait to get home and relax for 48 hours straight! WOO.  Don't know what to do for dinner, stuffed squash or buy something out....Hmmm. Decisions.

Anyways, that's all for now. Ciao :)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I need to write more consistently on this bad boy, sometimes I just don't have a flippin clue what to write other than what's going on with my day and what I've got planned, which is no fun whatsoever writing down a list of your schedule.

This past weekend we picked Jay up from the airport, coming back from Florida where he had been for 2 weeks with his parents and 3 kids.  Flight was delayed and by the time we ended up back at home after dropping him off, it was after 11pm.

Sunday afternoon we headed over to my mom's place for a bbq!  My uncle and his wife were there, my cousin Lisa, her boyfriend and their three kids, one of her kids' gf's, Jeff and I, Mom, Brian and about 7 dogs, 5 of which were all outside playing and begging for food.  It was such a mother f'n hot day but it was a good day nonetheless, we had a good time and the dogs were just tanked from expending all that energy and the heat.

Last night we had to go over to Mom's to the rescue to see wtf was going on with her internet connection/modem. Turns out it was on the fritz and died so another one was ordered last night.  Thank goodness for Jeff and his knacker for knowing everything.  I ended up sitting on the couch in the living room with Mom and the dogs while he was up underneath a desk with Brian breathing down his neck.  LOL.  Mom got me this awesome wedge sandals, a dress and a jacket to go with it, it's gorgeous! And they fit perfectly, everything!  I'll wear that tomorrow, I didn't want to wear that today given that I need to shave my legs. lol I know, TMI.

Tonight I hope to either go for a bike ride/rollerblade or go swimming and then after that, take the kids for a walk around the block.  That's all :)

Noah's 6th Birthday party is this weekend, we're helping Marcello and Shelly set up Friday night and then it's from 1 to 8 on Saturday, which we'll go to for a bit.  We're planning on buying the kid a small tent with a camp chair wrapped in a huge bow.  :)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Happy Canada Day!

We're off to Algonquin Park this evening to stay until Sunday and we're taking the kids with us too so they can get their camping fill, get dirty and dig in the dirt where they are totally in their element. :)

Have a great weekend cyberworld.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

So as determined by last week's 5km "run" - I am NOT a runner.  I did it, but holy jesus joseph and mary.  I mean, I go to the gym 5 days a week and I do an aerial silks class on Sundays and I'm not in shabby shape, but christ, my legs hurt until Sunday night!  I was walking around like a 95 year old man from Friday to Sunday, but with a carrot up my ass.  lol. Oh it was good times, let me tell you.  Ran it with Marah and Shaun. 

We went up north Friday night when I got home from work to see the hubby's parents for Father's Day.  Then J shit the bed on Sunday morning and we were on the road at 4:45 am headed home, and had groceries and were home by 8 am.  LOL Long ass day.

This week has been pretty uneventful, busy at work.

Think I'm going to hit the pillow soon, my head is f'n killing me.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I'm doing a 5km race tonight.  Did I mention that I am *not* a runner?  So this should be mighty interesting lol!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Monday, June 6, 2011

I have to admit that we have a fabulous trip in May down in Barbados for 2 weeks.  Been back for a week and a half now and back to the norm. 

We ended up doing 8 dives, our 4 cert dives included.  We totally have the diving bug now, which I couldn't love more.  Tonight we're actually going out and drop over $3 grand on gear and the only thing we'll have left to get is dive weights, some tanks, a marker buoy, a reel and an SMB.  So stoked.  Oh and I guess I'll have to get myself a 7mm wetsuit so I can get my ass into the cold lakes up here this summer a bit.

Other things we did included ziplining with my mom, horseback riding, a catamaran boat trip for 5 hours, dropping my 10ft wp camera into 30 ft of water for 5 hours (and later recovered by the boat captain when we came back into the harbour, and get this - THANK YOU FUJI, it still worked!!), renting a car for a week and doing our own touring up the west and east coasts of the island, dinner out every night and trying new food (man I love and miss the flying fish down there), did some shopping and brought back a Swarovski 2-set of two sea turtles which are gorgeous.  What else? Diving on the Sunday/Monday, Thursday/Friday and Sunday.  It was so much fun and 2 weeks was perfect, nice and totally relaxing.

Things have been great since we've been back.  The best thing about coming home was the dogs, they were so bloody happy and I swear their tails didn't stop wagging for a couple of days. :)  In fact, just this Saturday I went downtown to a friend's place for the night and apparently the kids were quite depressed.  Momma doesn't usually leave for long and now since we've come back, they're super clingy (even moreso than before, if you can believe that).  Had a nice night out with Marah though and made fast friends with her black cat, Gummer, whom slept between us on Saturday night and purred until I fell asleep. 

We've already booked a camping trip up to Tea Lake with the dogs for the Canada Day long weekend, which I'm looking forward to.  The boys will too, since they have an affinity for digging trenches and generally getting mucky as hell. LOL

So naturally, we're trying to plan a trip for likely next May for 2 weeks, in which we'll do our advanced certification down there.  Thinking maybe Curacao? Or Cozumel? Or who knows, may something totally different.  We'll have to renew our passports around Christmas or just in the new year since they're set to expire in May of next year.  Nevermind, we'll have to fix Jeff's passport so that his gender says "m" and not "f" lol totally admin error.  And oddly enough, no one has said fuck all during the last 4 years we've gone to Mexico, Cuba, England, France, Amsterdam, Toronto, and now Barbados.  LOLOL!

Anyways, that's all for now... a couple of pictures but I promise more. :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

So less than 24 freaking hours and we're off to sit in paradise for 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!  SO BLOODY EXCITED.

Sad to leave the boys though, I'm going to miss them like crazy!! :(

Anyways, farewell and see y'all in 2 weeks!

Monday, May 9, 2011

So we are down to a meager TWO DAYS!  This weekend was filled with cleaning, running errands, walking the dogs, spending time with the dogs before we leave, we took my mom and step-dad out for dinner last night.  And the weather seems to be improving i.e. right on target with the seasonal temperatures and not this up and down non-sense.

Was intending on going up to Jack's to get our certification papers but he was busy so we have to do that tonight.  Oh and Nancy had her little girl yesterday, so very sweet and something she'll never forget - becomming a mom on Mother's Dad 2011. :)

Yesterday I had my aerials class and let me tell you, I've missed it and my body has too.  I'm stuff today.

Was going to go to bed at midnight last night but Jeff was reading something online and I took that as an opportunity to clean the bathroom.  I know, weird time, but cleaning doesn't necessitate a specific hour. 

We also watched Fast5 on Saturday night.  Was pretty good.  Dwayne Johnson's beefed up a lot more since we last saw him in a movie.  It also alludes to there being a 6th movie, which begs me to question, have there really been 5 Fast and Furious movies?!!?  Jeeeesus!

Anyways, got to work. Ciao!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

6 days left and all I have to say is thank god for that, I'm in dire need to get away and today was an exceptional morning at work.  Sigh.  God damn miscommunication, confusion, two many hands in the pot at once and too many drafts and blacklines being worked on = bound to be failure.  Anyways, day is almost over, I came in early and hopefully I can get out early too.

Monday, May 2, 2011

TEN DAYS!!  I have so much to do this week and this coming weekend.

- Pull out the suitcases and start packing.  Figure out which one is going to be the Scuba bag.
- Pick up a couple of things for Greg next weekend - Lamb, some Cuban rum, make sure there's plenty of cream and k-cups for him
- Pick up another bag of dog food to ensure there's enough for two weeks.  Possibly but better have back up.
- Buy more sunscreen.
- Pay all the bills that are due while we are away i.e. Cell phones and tv/internet.
- Make sure all the online banking stuff is set up *ahem* Jeff
- Go to my aerials class on Sunday and also pay Alex is the silks have come in (weeeeee!)
- Make sure that the dogs have enough treats.
- Make sure that Greg has at least one set of house keys and car and that there's a full tank of gas.
- Do a dry run with Greg re: dogs and go over what I've typed out for him.
- Bring in dive computer and go over it with Carolyn.
- PICK UP CERTIFICATION papers at Jack's after Tuesday (the 2nd), when he's back from FL.

Hmmm.  I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch but that's what I can think of off the top of my head.

I'm so excited. :) :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

I had a fabulous Friday out with Jeff, we went to the All About Pet Show, saw some awesome dogs (Harlequin Danes, Aussie Sheppards, Duck Tolling Dogs, Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Goldens), some cats, birds and a few reptiles.  Got a few good deals there and I was smiling the entire time I was there.  After that we went downtown, walking around and basically wasting time until our reservation at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.  Holy mother of god this steak was to die for.  Jeff and I split a porterhouse for 2 and broccoli.  Good thing we didn't order a baked potato or anything because that was just right, otherwise we would have had to roll ourselves down the street lol.

Following that, we went to Starbucks and saw Arlene Dickinson and Jim Treliving on John Street, I guess they had just filmed an episode of the Dragon's Den.  We then waited for Bruce and his mom to come down and then off we went to the Jays game.  By far one of the better games we've seen in a long time. 

Saturday I didn't get up to much, good thing I decided to get groceries out of the way because it turns out that nothing was open yesterday!  Way to pay attention Lindsay!

We took Brian out for dinner on Saturday night and it was very nice in deed.  Oliver's been good and I finally heard from Mom by email so she's a bit more at ease knowing that Oliver's okay.

I started picking up sunscreen this morning, for our trip.  SPF 60! lol.  I can't burn the first few days otherwise I'll be a shivering hot mess in the water and that won't be good.

Anyways that's about it for now yo ;)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

All I have to say is that I love dealing with tired and grouchy husbands.  Suddenly, that's my fault and I get the brunt of all the grumbling.  NICE!

Just breathe and smile, just breathe and smile.  And remind myself that in 22 days I'll be flying off to paradise for 2 weeks.  :)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Feeling a bit sick this morning. Sore throat.  TGIF!  Jeff's busy most of the weekend shooting a music video for a friend's band.  So it's been quiet at home, just me and the boys.

The other night we took Baxter up to the vet's because I wanted them to look at a bump on his back.  Turns out, it's not what we thought - a fatty deposit, but rather a sabaceous cyst.  So we'll just have to watch it and if necessary, cut into it and remove the nasty-ness inside it.  Thankfully it's on a spot on his back high up enough that he can't get to i.e. no licking.  After that, we went down to markham to pick up my Dive Computer that came into the Scuba shop.  So we're just about set for Barbados.  Have to pick up a few things before we go, namely some sunscreen, perhaps SPF 600 so my white ass doesn't fry in the sun.  LOL  Just wait, people are going to be putting on their shades on the beach for the wrong reasons - not because it's sunny but rather being blinded by my fucking whiteness HAHAHA.

Anyways, I think this is going to be a short post for now, nothing else to say really.  Day 7!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 5.

Holy horrific nightnmare I had last night.  I woke up at about 1:45 a.m. just a mess, in tears, sobbing, hyperventilating, scared out of my wits and my heart pumping out of my chest.  Holy fuck.

I finally got myself up, went out to the living to have a smoke in the hopes of calming myself down.  No such luck.  I didn't want to wake Jeff out of fear that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep but I couldn't calm down so I went into our bedroom, woke him and just fell apart laying on him.  I scared the shit out of the dogs because I've never just been flat out uncontrollably sobbing and unable to breathe.  So he sat up with me for a bit until I could catch my breath and then we went back to bed.

I can't hold out much longer for more sleepless nights like I've had lately, this is absolute torture.

Here's to a better day.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

So today is a new day. New start, new beginnings and a new outlook on life.  I'm trying to be less negative and more positive for the sake of my own happiness, sanity and also that of Jeff's.

Today is day 4.  I slept much better last night than I had the previous night.  Well, all weekend really.

I saw Born to be Wild on the weekend and can I just say that I was smiling the entire 40 minutes? I loved every second of it but I especially liked what they showed about the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust.  Man, if I ever had the opportunity and the means, I'd go back to school to become a biologist and then try to get the necessary visa's and what not and move myself, the boys and Jeff to Africa.  This would all be, of course, if we won the lottery.  I'm dying to get my ass over there, the feelings I have for elephants is astounding or distubring, whichever way you look at it LOL.

Yesterday was the one month mark to Barbados.  The lady that was going to take her dogs bailed so my mom is now frantically searching for someone to take them or stay at the house.  All because of my aunt had to make plans smasck dab in the middle of the trip, which seriously puts a rift into the situation.

Weather is getting nicer here, it was actually muggy on the weekend.  Even yesterday it was warm, although when I left work at 4:15 it was windier than all hell.  Ah well.


Friday, April 8, 2011

All I want to do right this second is to cry........And I don't specifically know why.  Just a crappy Friday I suppose.  Shouldn't complain, it's the weekend. 

Going to the Yoga convention next Sunday with Marah and her bf's sister so that should be fun and it gets me out and about.  You know, with people that actually give a shit.

Sometimes I wonder if people say things just to entertain me.  Or not say things because...I don't even know why.

Jeff said to me last week that I'm on facebook and BB messenger too much.  The result, partially my doing, partially bc of his comment = facebook being deactivated.  BB messenger.  Shit the dude doesn't even answer me half the time, sure he'll read them but WTF?  I can't win.

I think I just need to go home, have a drink and get the fuck on to bed.  I've been feeling blue since last week and I've tried, I really have.  But all I want to do right now and is to break down into pieces.

Now I'm going to leave work and finish up the last 50 pages of Matt Logelin's book whilst I cry like a little bitch behind shades.  No, really it's the book.  I was crying on my way home last night reading his book.  Wow, just wow.

Have a good weekend! <3 I hope I do.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

So yesterday everything came together for our OW Dive Certs.  Got a dive facility that has agreed to do our referral dives.  Costs a pretty penny doing it this way but frankly I'm not up to braving the cold Ontario water...yet.  I won't dive in lake water without a 7 mm suit on, forget it.  I shiver enough on my own in a 70 degree pool, much less lower than that.  So we're be doing those on the 15th and 16th, which will leave over a week of room to fit another day or two in diving.  Then once we bring the paperwork back with us, hand it off to Jack, we'll get our c-cards shortly thereafter.

I'm pretty stoked about our trip, which is 35 days away now.  We've decided to have one of Jeff and I's friend's come and stay at our place to look after the dogs.  His sister stayed with them while we were in Europe but there were things that were never mentioned to us that happened and I'm a bit ticked off about it still.  She put us in a difficult position and while I appreciate all the help she was and just how much the dogs love her, it really changed my opinion of her.  I don't want to worry this time knowing what I know now, ya know?

On our trip we're planning on doing an island tour, since Jeff has never been there before, the Bajan Queen, out on the catamaran, treetop ziplining, horseback riding on the beach and in the water and much much more.

Tonight, Bruce is coming over for dinner and a visit.  Not much on the schedule this weekend.  Must pick up a dive computer.  I'm sure Jeff and Greg will be putting some things together for next weekend's video shoot.  I would also like to take the kidlets to the dog park and I have to give the car a good scrub down, inside and out.  Sounds so exciting, doesn't it? lol

Anyways, that's it for today. Ciao. <3

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

So something that must be said - I'm allergic to fresh fruit and veggies, which came to my detriment about 2 years ago when I had a bad incident with Lychee.  So now I am the proud holder of an Epi-pen.  Considering that my diet was about 60% fruits and veggies up until that point, I was very very sad to hear that I could no longer eat that stuff.  Well, I could, it just had to be cooked so that the proteins would fizzle away.  Who the hell wants to eat a warm apple?  Not apple pie, a warm apple.  So anyways, I was starving after the gym yesterday with Marah and she said she had one.  So I bit the bullet, put it in the mic for 30 seconds and I was good to go.  Best. Apple. Ever.  It was nearly orgasmic!  It's been nearly 2 years since I've eaten an apple and that really, truly, made my day.  Lame, I know hahahaha. lol

Monday, April 4, 2011

So Jeff and I had a good chat/meltdown last week.  We both got some much needed things off our chest, which was a good thing.  All in all, productive discussion.  I really, really need to work on myself though.  I'm very down on myself, and in turn, I take it out on Jeff, which is wrong and misdirected.  So I disabled Facebook because I didn't want the distraction. I just want some peace and quiet to reflect on myself and perhaps start to think of things differently and myself.  That itself could change my whole outlook on life.  So I'm trying to make a valiant effort, I really am.  I just didn't realise how much it affected Jeff, even me coming home every day bitter.  I didn't think I did, but I do and that's a HUGE eye opener.  I think things have just been adding up and I've become resentful when I should just take it as it is and accept it and overcome it.  I should question myself, "Is it really worth getting upset/pissed off/irked about?", and more than likely the answer will be "no."  So I just need some inner reflection.  I like to think of myself as a caring, nice person but lately the bitterness has overshadowed that.

Our weekend wasn't too bad.  Saw Jay, his kids and Jeff's parents yesterday afternoon/evening.  They're off to Florida in a couple of days and won't be back until early June. 

This coming weekend I'd like to get the car all washed and nice, take the kids to the dog park and maybe go on a hike.  Jeff's going to be busy the next few weeks shooting a video for a friend's band, too.

That's about all I have time for.  Peace :)

Friday, April 1, 2011

It's Friday. And April Fools. I must be more optimistic and positive, I didn't realise what an ass I've been.  For the longest time too.  Disappointing, yet. But onwards and upwards, right?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Feeling really fucking lonely today.  Just altogether sad lately.........  I think what I need is a damn good cry.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Elisa - Dancing

One of my favourite song that is just simply beautiful.

Time is gonna take my mind

and carry it far away where I can fly

The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you

If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears

'cause it's all about love and I know better

How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you

And I know that I'll be leaving soon

My eyes are on you they're on you

And you see that I can't stop shaking

No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes

'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath

Oh could burst it if it were a bubble

And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you they're on you

And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you

No need for anything but music

Music's the reason why I know time still exists

Time still exists

Time still exists

Time still exists

So I just put my arms around you around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you they're on you

And I hope that you won't hurt me

my arms around you they're around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you they're on you

they're on you

My eyes
I'm so frustrated lately.  I slept like shit last night.  Both dogs aren't well.  Charlie's eyes are bothering him at the moment and Baxter has basically licked his right back foot to the point where there's a sore now and it's weeping.  He's actually limping and not walking on the leg now.  So epsom salt soaks is what I've been doing, the cone and that makes for a very unhappy boy.  Sleeping last night was virtually non existent.  Whether it was Baxter and not finding a comfortable spot, or Jeff reefing on the blankets, tossing and turning or just plain giving me lip because of his perception on things.  Um when you're laying in bed all night observing everything that's going on and what not, do not tell me this happened or I hogged the bed.  Excuse me but I remember crawling into bed with literally a couple of inches room.  That's it.  And I'm hogging the bed.  Things are just stressful lately.  I feel like Jeff and I are disconnected these days.  I try and try and do pretty much everything but I'm constantly given a hard time, joking or not, and it's like what the fuck more can I do to make YOUR existence happier?  And talking to him - forget it.  Most of the time I talk to him he's in the middle of something (naturally) and it'll go in one ear and out the other.  So nothing gets discussed or resolved, just tension builds.

And I think I'm becomming more and more aware of the fact that I'll never have a child, based on some of the nasty comments that have been made recently.  Just because I'm ennamored with someone's belly or asking questions doesn't mean I'm going to go out and get myself purposely pregnant, you know?  And furthermore, that's a bit insulting no?  I think I'll just chalk it up to never being fucking good enough.  I'll never be responsible enough, or smart enough or intuitive enough... Hell I'm not even mom material anyways, right, so why should I care?

I guess I care because it hurts my feelings.  Why is it always about other people and never about me? 

Very frustrated today and exhausted isn't even the word.  Fuck I hate this. And I hate starting out a morning, a Monday morning no less squabbling.  Makes for a great day!

Next weekend - possible aerials, Nancy's baby shower although I really don't want to go to that anymore (apparently there's wine being served - who the fuck serves wine at a baby shower?  Oh yeah, that's right, hardcore drinkers=ghetto)... I say this because I don't want to miss a aerials class for that.  So if I have to, I'll show up a bit late.  Then Sunday afternoon we're heading up to Jeff's brother to see the gang and his parents before they head back down to FL.  Exciting shit, let me tell you.

Peace, before I say anything I'll regret.

Monday, March 21, 2011

So our anniversary has come and gone and a nice one it was indeed. We went out for steak that night and then came home afterwards.  Twas a good night.  Jeff liked the 4 leaf clover. :)

So I'm going to get some ink on my wrist tonight!! WOO, I'm excited about that.

Not much exciting going on.  This weekend was pretty uneventful, didn't do much on Saturday, cleaned, errands, etc. Alex came down Saturday afternoon.  Stayed til Sunday. We went to Ikea yesterday and I bought candles and nothing really substantial

Short blog, busy. Bye!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

So we finally did our pool training on the weekend for our open water Scuba certification.  Next up, Barbados in less than two months and we'll be doing our open water drills (4 dives, 2 days back to back) and then we'll be good to go.  I do eventually want to get our advanced certification so that we can go deeper.  See, with the basic open water, your maximum depth is 60ft.  Advanced extends that to 100ft.  And then beyond that is the deep water and much, much more training.  Had a great time in the pool all weekend even if I was somewhat cold, yes while wearing my short wetsuit.  I've determined that there isn't a hope in hell of me being warm. Ever.  LOL.  I sucked it up and before we knew it, the weekend was over.  Wasn't much of a weekend really for us but it was still a good one. 

This Thursday is our 9 year anniversary, obviously not our wedding anniversary.  I think I'm going to suggest to Jeff we go out for dinner somewhere nice. 

Not much to write today but that should suffice :)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Alright, I've lost interest with this 30 day thing. LOL.  I just don't update this every day, I think that's the problem.....

Last night, after work, I headed up to the Rosedale Statiojn to meet my mom to see Oliver at the Veternarian Emergency Clinic.  Man, was he ever happy to see us.  He was sleeping when we got there, legs in the air like a piggy, and then he flipped over, got up and came over to the (now) opened cage for kisses and started making his usual Oliver noises :)  He might be coming home today, which is fabulous news!

Just about finished my Scuba studying, I've got 2 chapters left to read and one quiz to do then I'm done.  I have to call Jack and confirm the time but we'll be at his place both Saturday and Sunday pretty much all day....  I'll get to don my new wetsuit.  Which reminds me, I need a new bathing suit and how depressing is that shit. lol.  I'm opaque and it seems everything looks like garbage on me.  I've been loving these aerial silks classes, I've lost some inches on my butt and hips and legs but I have this one spot on my ass that like to hold on to the cellulite.  No getting rid of that non sense for anything I've tried :( Oh well.  I found two suits, basically the same, both Billabong.  One is black and teal, the other is black and purple.  And it costs $95 dollars.  I can't decide if I want it or not but the mere fact that I'm dwindling about it suggests that I do.  That's just what I do when I want something, if I can walk away and still have the urge or want for something, then I have to get it.  If I can walk away and not fuss about it, then I know I've made the right decision.  So, not sure what to do....I have a couple of days left, that's it.

Next weekend, Christina is coming down from Barrie for a visit, which should be nice since it's been a year and a half since Jeff and I saw her last.

Well that's all for now folks, :)  Can't believe Barbados is now 2 months and 2 days away!! :)

Monday, March 7, 2011

So last week was a bit nuts!  Thursday, I guess it was, Mom took Oliver to get more tests at the vet's, to which they said on Friday that he needed to come in for IV because he was quite ill.... So he was there most of the day and then they called to say that he needed to be in a trauma care facility where they could address his issues and do it quickly before it took a turn for the worse.

Jeff drove my mom and Oliver downtown and he's been at Vet Emergency Clinic at 920 Yonge since Friday.  Diagnosis is Diabetic Ketoacidosis, which is when your pancreas isn't producing enough insulin, as a result it starts producing the toxic bodies called ketones, essentially filling him with poison, trying to kill red blood cells and attempting to damage his other organs.  He was a very, very sick little man.  I went up after work and met them both and then kissed Oliver goodbye so they could start figuring out what was wrong with him.  This place gets answers so quickly it's amazing!  So Saturday comes along, I drove down to Oakville to see Bernadette, and her dogs, as I haven't seen her in a bit and she got a new job in Oakville so there's no reasonable prospects of seeing her downtown anymore for a smoke or whatever on a break.  It was spring weather, rainy, hydroplaning type weather....Got there, said hellos and got to meet the newest Daschund, Moxie.  Everyone was happy, had a nice coffee and chat with her and then 2 hours later, I was off back home to pick up Jeff and Mom and head down to the city to see Oliver again.  Only that didn't work out, Jeff got a call from his brother for help with something, Mom wouldn't let me drive their car because something to do with the struts needing to be fixed.. *rolls eyes*, we decided forget it, we'll just get an update later on as to how he's doing.  So I took a slight detour home, went a bit further north on the 427 than I wanted to be.  Got home, Jeff basically left right away to head to Barrie and I stayed back and cleaned and cooked dinner. 

Saturday, Oliver apparently ate a bit and he was wagging his tail and totally loving everyone that gave him any attention. 

Sunday morning, got up and got ready for the day.  Called downtown to see if we could visit and we could, but a brief one.  So we drove over to get Mom, drove down and spent all of 5 minutes with him but it was the best 5 minutes with him we've had in a long, long time.  He was laying down and as soon as he heard our voices, he jumped up on all 4's and started wagging his tail like a maniac and he was carrying on like his usual vocal self that he is.  We hadn't seen that in so long from him, so for us that was encouraging to see.  We all were nearly in tears of joy.  So slowly, he's getting better.  When we left, he was all excited and happily barking because we think he wanted to come home.  lol  The end of Sunday night, the IV flushing has gotten rid of most or if not all ketones, he had a blood transfusion that went smashingly, that brought his red blood cell count and he was starting to eat a bit more too.  So today he's being moved from the ICU to critical care and I think they want to do an MRI to see if there's anything going on in the brain bc of the 3 seizures in a month... so we'll see how that shapes up.

Yesterday, after the city, I went to my advanced aerial class and wow - just wow.  There was myself, Alex and another woman and it was nice to have the one on one, not like the other class.  Plus, we were able to work on things that most people wouldn't even fathom doing as a beginner.  My arms, chest and hips hurt today.  It was awesome though, I did both left and right AND middle splits in the silks, I haven't done middle splits in decades people!!  lol

After that, did the usual errands, groceries, went and got dog food and went over all their treats with a guy there to see if he notices anything problematic vis a vis allergies.  (Charlie is still sporting the cone to help his scratching, but he's been good so we've been letting him have it off for a bit each day.)  Yesterday, brought bones home and let Charlie snack on that, without cone and I later put them up on the entertainment unit last night to save for later because I didn't think it was fair Baxter snacking on one when I had put Charlie's cone back on.  So, they've both been staring up at the Ent unit since then.  LOL

Let's see.  Scuba class/pool training is this weekend! AHHHH!  Which reminds me, I need to buy a dive computer.  Both Saturday and Sunday will be about 9 to 4 or so in Queensville with Jack.  So I'm just trying to finish up my studying and tests and then I'll be good to go. 

Day 22 — A favorite joke - I can never remember jokes.  I'm that chick that forgets how jokes go and then end up ruining the entire joke.  Not cool.

Day 23 — A video - Umm don't have one on this pc.

Day 24 — A travel story
Hmmm, which travels should I discuss.  I really, really miss the time we had in Europe last summer, it was such a great experience, seeing new and old things with Jeff on his first trip overseas.  Can't wait for many more. :)

Day 25 — A favorite photo - what's with all these photo requests!?  lol No, nothing at the moment.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Jeff and I have been sick.  All week.  We've been around entirely too many sick folks with varying degrees of illness and the type.  All last week I felt like garbage, very much not myself.  I really knew it on Saturday when I was at my aerial class.  I was sweating buckets and not as strong as I usually feel.  I left feeling amazing but I knew the whole not feeling well feeling was in part because I was a dumb ass and forgot to eat before I went there, I had just consumed 2 cups of coffee that morning, nothing else.  D'oh!

Friday night went to the Sound Academy to see KO.  Woo! Got there just after 10 or so and he came on around 11.  I don't even remember what time we got home, we did go on a downtown whore tour. Now let me explain - we have hookers in downtown Toronto, some in scuzzy areas, others not so much.  Anyways, we haven't done that in awhile so we did and saw a few sketch cases, and then the usual ones that were dressed in thigh high boots with fur coats.  Hot, I tell you. LMAO. Not.

So Saturday I did my aerials class and then after that, I think we had a fairly quiet night.  I don't even remember what we did on Sunday.  Was sick up until yesterday....Blah. 

So having said that, I missed out on some posts....and they are:

Day 16 — A favorite food
For me, hmmm, I love greek food and italian.  But I'm too picky to have a favorite dish.  Scratch that.  If I go to a familiar restaurant, dollars to donuts, I'll get a club sandwich, nachos, fish and chips or chicken fingers. LMAO. Such a kid sometimes.

Day 17 — A photo of my family
Ummmm, not at the moment.  Would rather not post a pic of my family.

Day 18 — A baby photo
None scanned. Sorry.

Day 19 — A fun memory
I live life with zero regrets.  You learn from your experiences, not your mistakes and I think everything in my life, despite maybe at the time being not so great, it has shaped me to who I am today.  The one memory I wish I had was more of me and my dad before he died.....

Day 20 — A hobby of mine
Traveling, reading, scrapbooking, cleaning/organizing things (I know, totally weird eh)

Day 21 — A favorite recipe
I would have to say this is Jeff's mom's recipe she gave me.  Spaghetti squash and butter nut squash.  Cut in half.  Bake until soft.  Scoop out the squash and put in side bowl.  Meanwhile, cook ground beef or something similar, add onions and garlic, and then once cooked, add tomato paste.  Cook some rice and put that all together, stuffing the squash with that and some squash you've already scooped out.  It's delish!! :)  Thanks Mono!


Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 15 — My celebrity crush

Hmmmmm. Eminem, David Beckham, Brad Pitt. Now there's a weird assortment of men, LOL.
Quick, quick post before I leave work.  Going home and making dinner, having a shower and then coming back to Toronto to see KO at the Sound Academy.  Tomorrow is aerial silks class and then the outdoor show.  I'll have to take the kidlets to the dog park at some point, likely Sunday. 
Nothing really to say today so I won't babble. :)  Have a nice weekend

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Day 13 — Something I want to buy

Hmmmm.. This is a loaded question. I could say I want to buy a Murcielago, or a Bugatti…..or should I say that I want to buy a bathing suit. Which sounds more realistic? I NEED to buy a bathing suit or two for Barbados in May, more importantly for when I’m doing the pool training for the Scuba certification in 2.5 weeks.

I would also like to buy a couch, perhaps something in a grey colour. Do you know how hard it is to try and find a grey sectional couch? Most of them come in cream or brown or leather/pleather, which I’m not down for considering we have the occasional diggers in our house *cough* Charlie and Baxter. I also know that I don’t want to settle for something mediocre either....

I’d also like to buy new end tables and a coffee table once we’ve got the new couches. So, see, I could respond to this question all damn day if I wanted to but let’s be honest and realistic here, Mmmmkay?

I should also mention that I’m posting more comments from my actual blogger account, I’m no longer being a lurker (sounds creepy, don’t you think) and actually posting back to my blogger name/blog. I don’t blog for anything other reason but for myself. I like to write, I like to read blogs, and I like to also account for my daily happenings, as though I’m leaving behind some trail of my life’s existence. I pick up and go all the time when it comes to blogging. Sometimes I’m all about it, other times I lose interest in it……So we’ll see what shall come of this.

Anyone want to help with a layout? I’m a flippin retard when it comes to html and all that “fun” shit. Oh and be forewarned, I tend to cuss a lot, so if you don’t like anything that comes out of my mouth or don’t like people that swear, move along to the next blog. Next!

It’s hump day today….Short weeks are always the longest. We don’t have another long weekend until April 22nd, which is when Easter is. *Groan*

Looks like Mr. J. is helping Alex move on Friday. Then it seems that we’re going to the Sound Academy late Friday night to get in on a private event that KO is singing at. Sweet. Love that dude, I’ve had one of his songs stuck on repeat in my head since yesterday. Saturday I have my aerial silks class (see picture in previous post of me just chilling at the beginning of a class in the silk) and then I’m sure after that, we’ll head down to the Outdoor Show by the Airport. Our dive lessons start in 2.5 weeks, crazy!! I still have to do the online portion of my studying, I better get on that shit soon.

Gotta go, peace :)
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